Too little, too much
I don't know where to begin now. I have wondered whether I should keep this blog going or not. Initially it seemed like a cool experiment. The prospect of documenting my life seemed so promising and exciting. But then it seems like life as well as the lack thereof seems to get in the way.
I moved back from Ohio to Muncie in the third week of August. It was quite a change from doing nothing at all for so long to having no time at all. Still I am happy that I had the time off, because the odds are that I won't be getting a break this long till I retire. And then August 22, 2005 and Mediasauce happened. I love Dr. Joe. And perhaps he is the reason while I might turn to teaching some day. So many influences (the late Ms. Muzumdar, Rutenbeck, Laura, Samant Sir, Hanumanta Sathe, Dr. Joe, the cumulative craziness of Karnatak High School, the list is endless) have steered my life onto roads and toward destinations that I never thought possible. Each of these people have moulded me more that I have moulded myself. Perhaps I depended too much on them for support because I was this spineless, ambitionless, blinded individual, but without them I would have a reality very different from what I have now, which I almost certainly would have hated. Many of these people I havn't seen in years, perhaps may never see them again. Yet, either because I liked you or hated you, I am where I am because of you.
Yes, yes...I still spell things the British way once in a while!
But, I digress. Dr. Joe, who I have known for only about a year, but a simple yet visionary man, with the curiosity I have seen in few others in my life, is the reason Mediasauce happened. And suddenly there was hope and a chance at happiness and success. Suddenly it seemed like the fear of my job search history which had consumed me wholly, was fading. I was happy again, like almost everything that needed to fall in place in my life had done just that. But it seemed too easy. I've had this feeling before. And the last time it happened, I lost almost three years of my life. And now it seems that happiness will never be pure again, kind of like I'm committing adultery again against my significant other, depression. I am afraid that this is about to be snatched away from me, and I will find myself at the bottom of another crater, only this time without the kind of footing that I had in Denver.
I miss that footing a lot sometimes. Such great people I have had in my life, Paul, Karin, Nimish, Neeru, Bhim and Pamu and many others. Now they're five or more states away and I'm here in Muncie. Life and its many obligations got in the way again, and I'm left fending for myself again. It's good...mixing things up in life. But I need an anchor.
And then there were two. One who I think cares for me and who I almost entirely exclude from my life and one who inflicts pain on me like a thousand papercuts (often without realizing it) and I seem to go back for more. The second one is out of compulsion, we have to see so much of each other. But I keep hoping I don't become numb from all the bleeding.
Plenty more has happened, and plenty of movies to talk about. Another post on the way for flick talk.
I moved back from Ohio to Muncie in the third week of August. It was quite a change from doing nothing at all for so long to having no time at all. Still I am happy that I had the time off, because the odds are that I won't be getting a break this long till I retire. And then August 22, 2005 and Mediasauce happened. I love Dr. Joe. And perhaps he is the reason while I might turn to teaching some day. So many influences (the late Ms. Muzumdar, Rutenbeck, Laura, Samant Sir, Hanumanta Sathe, Dr. Joe, the cumulative craziness of Karnatak High School, the list is endless) have steered my life onto roads and toward destinations that I never thought possible. Each of these people have moulded me more that I have moulded myself. Perhaps I depended too much on them for support because I was this spineless, ambitionless, blinded individual, but without them I would have a reality very different from what I have now, which I almost certainly would have hated. Many of these people I havn't seen in years, perhaps may never see them again. Yet, either because I liked you or hated you, I am where I am because of you.
Yes, yes...I still spell things the British way once in a while!
But, I digress. Dr. Joe, who I have known for only about a year, but a simple yet visionary man, with the curiosity I have seen in few others in my life, is the reason Mediasauce happened. And suddenly there was hope and a chance at happiness and success. Suddenly it seemed like the fear of my job search history which had consumed me wholly, was fading. I was happy again, like almost everything that needed to fall in place in my life had done just that. But it seemed too easy. I've had this feeling before. And the last time it happened, I lost almost three years of my life. And now it seems that happiness will never be pure again, kind of like I'm committing adultery again against my significant other, depression. I am afraid that this is about to be snatched away from me, and I will find myself at the bottom of another crater, only this time without the kind of footing that I had in Denver.
I miss that footing a lot sometimes. Such great people I have had in my life, Paul, Karin, Nimish, Neeru, Bhim and Pamu and many others. Now they're five or more states away and I'm here in Muncie. Life and its many obligations got in the way again, and I'm left fending for myself again. It's good...mixing things up in life. But I need an anchor.
And then there were two. One who I think cares for me and who I almost entirely exclude from my life and one who inflicts pain on me like a thousand papercuts (often without realizing it) and I seem to go back for more. The second one is out of compulsion, we have to see so much of each other. But I keep hoping I don't become numb from all the bleeding.
Plenty more has happened, and plenty of movies to talk about. Another post on the way for flick talk.
