Rocky Mountain Awakening

Ah, how long I have waited for this day...my trip to Denver. A little bit of thesis on my mind, a little bit of job hunting on the side, a little bit of catching with old buddies and a little time away from Funcie. In short, it's business and pleasure in the same breath.

I drove into Denver late this afternoon (unannounced, of course). Of course the highlight of this visit was VG's engagement party. And as far as social gatherings go, this is one I'd like to forget ASAP. I knew exactly how it was going to turn out. After all, the guest list (or rather the fact that most of them were from uber-conservative Pune) should have read like a pack of tarot cards about things to come. Predictable, traditional and little-to-no fun at all...well, except the little shocker VG got.

The loooooong awkward silence at dinner-time (not to mention the dinner itself), the lack of mingling (including exchanging pleasantries) between the sexes (I admit I am partly to blame for it), the conversation starters (so what company do you endlessly do the same shitty software programming for?).

I find it interesting that some people (read Indians) find it difficult to sustain a conversation with me when I tell them I am not in IT. The looks on their faces range from "oh-you-poor-lost-soul" to "and-you-call-yourself-a-redblooded-Indian!" to "are-you-an-alien?". It's a whole different breed of rednecks!

Dear VG, if you ever read this, I imagine you will find it difficult, nay impossible, to forgive me for the things I have said here (and for a few things I wish I could, but that could possibly be insulting, hurtful and possibly slanderous) and I care too much for you to go on. But you know as well as I do that I have shunned the value system that you so dearly embrace. My rant here is partly a judgement of you, but mostly a judgement of the (often, but not always) mind-numbingly stupid culture we come from. But, all things aside you are about to start sharing your life with someone (the thought of which has on occasion made me cower in fear) and to you, I raise a congratulatory toast. You have the one thing I had desired for so long...a constant. And for that, I am envious of you.

It's been an "off" day for me. I find myself being distracted, short-tempered and as this post amply demonstrates...brutally honest. I just don't know what's causing it...the three hours of sleep in the Kansas rest stop with the 17-hr drive or the reference to RV more than thrice in a single conversation. All this time, and it still gets to me!

My next post will likely deal with how some couples react to single people in their surroundings like an allergy. I am working on a complete case study. Details soon.

Dead on the inside

Last weekend, I drove to Dayton with some friends to watch AR Rahman live. We were late for the event by about 20 minutes because we veered off-course (damn that Taco Bell manager for throwing us off when we were SO close!) Fortunately, we didn't miss anything significant since Rahman hadn't been brought on stage yet. 

A great concert overall; the master performer gave everyone a show worth remembering for a long time to come. But the real pat-on-the-back goes to the kids from Miami U. and Srini who put in the hard work to package the event so well. I am SO envious of those kids...getting to spend time rehearsing with the greats Rahman and Vasundhara Das. Hard to top that one. What I'd give to trade lives with any one of them for even a day, just to be in the company of one of the greatest composers of all time. Hopefully, another day and another opportunity will present itself. 

But this isn't why I am writing today. It seems I am a sucker for punishment...except this is far more disturbing...it's like kicking someone or something long it has died because of it. Every concert I go to, every instrument I find myself near, I feel like being guilty of murder.

In my teen years, a lot of things didn't make sense or add up, but when it came to music, nothing mattered. It was my calm, solace, escape, inspiration, celebration, spiritual wellness...the list is endless. But when that umbilical cord between my drums and I was cut (who cut it is a matter of debate), my life slowly started becoming mulch. And every concert I go to (Zakir Hussein and bros in May) reminds me of how worthless my existence has become in the absence of music.

I need to find my way back, for sanity in my life, for holding a singular thought in my head...for taking me back to simpler times. But where do I begin?!

crUsh

Yes, yes I know it's been a while since my last post, and my loyal readers (all 2 of them) are tired of having nothing new to read. It's odd, plenty was going on, but there was nothing worthwhile to write about. iTV is done, my thesis work seems to ebb and flow, the packing and moving process is picking up pace, I will be homeless in less than a week, and I am about to inflict a bunch of (hopefully pleasant) surprises on a number of my friends. All in all, a dull life.

But this post is about something else. I never thought I'd write about this, mostly because I never thought I'd think about it as much as I am. The last major crush I had in Denver ended disastrously, especially after what she did in India. So I am no longer in the mood to be "just friends" either. But that was before the move to Muncie, so it's HIGH time I moved on. Of course, there's also AB, but I don't care much to regurgitate any of those details. Joy and sorrow in the same minute, amazing how she could evoke such a reaction in me.

As I write this, I'm beginning to feel like I am in school again (not like that time of my life was the most fun, but let's back out of that dark alley.) But I have developed a crush on someone. And while I am not about to reveal her identity, she will affectionately be referred to as JM. Interestingly, we have never exchanged so much as two words to each other, nor are we a part of each other's circles. And it's highly doubtful that will ever change, mostly considering that I am about to leave Muncie in about a week (yay!), but also, she's WAY out of my league. But God, is she beautiful. The gorgeous round eyes, the killer smile, clear soft skin and the glasses to add just the right touch of sophistication. Yesterday, I saw her at the TCOM banquet in a beautiful green dress. Jeans do not do justice to those legs!

But I should stop. Else this should become a collection of tunes from Sting. I sing 'Every Breath You Take' and she sings 'Don't Stand So Close To Me'. Yeah, bad joke.

Anyway, May cometh (how will this b'day turn out?!) and my life is about to be blown in all directions at once. I look forward (fearfully) to take life one day at a time, without an anchor (place or person) to hang on to. Relationships will change, new bonds will be formed, older ones may grow stronger and some may break like branches from a tree. I hate the thought of it, but at least one won't hurt as much, because there is no room for trust in it. Yes, it all sounds very cryptic, but the wound is yet to heal.